I’m getting excited about my trip to Seattle – I know it’s still a week away – but I’m excited all the same. One of the reasons is I’m about 12 pounds lighter this year than I was last year. The lightest I have been since .. well perhaps since my son was a cub scout.

When I was on Jenny Craig I was able to drop down to 245 pounds – that’s the weight I was last Christmas. When I stopped Jenny Craig I gained a good deal of the weight back. But since starting a program again in July – and logging in here at the BLL I’ve dropped …. THIRTY SIX pounds. That’s about 5 pounds a month – which to me is awesome!

I can now wear a size 14/16 tops and a size 18/20 pants. When I was at my highest weight of 290 pounds {and possibly even higher than that but I wasn’t weighing in} – I wore a size 26/28. I still have one pair of pants and one top in that size to use as comparison. I always love to see the newly thin person standing inside their old pants. That’s what I’m going to do!

I have been less than motivated this past few weeks to exercise. Finding the mo-jo to do it isn’t happening – so I am finding other ways to STAY ACTIVE! I’ve been holiday shopping. I’ve been holiday decorating. I’ve been cleaning my house. I’ve been playing the Wii while standing. That sort of thing. Combined with a calorie reduction I’ve still managed to drop about a pound each week … so I’m happy for now.

When this mental break is over .. when the 100-hour challenge begins .. I’ll get back on track with my exercise and start dropping 2-3 pounds a week again. I’ll still be on track to reach my ultimate goal by the end of 2009. I am happy!

This is the first time in a weight loss program I have been happy. I haven’t beaten myself up for eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. I’m not beating myself up about being lax on the exercise. Just right now I”m working on the MENTAL game that will always plauge me … and as long as I continue to learn and to grow my knowledge on obesity … on fighting the demon in my head … then I am succeeding.

I consider it one of those non-scale victories … learning more about ME. When you have these mental road blocks in your way .. take time to figure out what created them and how to work around them. You will succeed too!

Just got the “unofficial” * word. WHEW!

Life can go on as planned from this point forward .. I won’t have to sell my house to pay for surgery and treatment. Whew!

Friday night = Champagne for everyone!

Thanks to everyone for all the kind words, thoughts, positive energy and even the prayers! It worked!

*doc hasn’t signed the report yet .. but that’s what it reads!

I’ve been struggling this week trying to find a healthy balance of foods.  This eating on my own is harder than I thought – while I can keep my calorie limits below 1200 – I can never get that protein up to 100grams – and my carbs and fats end up higher than I want them!  I’m seriously reconsidering the Soy Protein program .. every doctor I talk to tells me that would not have been the cause of my hyperplaysia.  But would that be a cop-out?

I’m just on Chapter 2 in my new Nutrition book … and the focus is on utilizing the tools available at MyPyramid.gov  I’m going to check them out later today – but my book tells me the site gives tools to determine how much of each food group one must eat daily for their caloric level.  I think this will help me to focus my menu plans more – and help me to achieve that protein-carb-fat balance I need.

Having my parents here is wonderful – but their own eating habits are horrendous and I’m afraid I’ve been allowing them to run things.  I’ve been trying to eat around their needs.  I need to just let them focus on feeding themselves and go back to eating my way.

I’ve invited the folks over at the Biggest Loser League to seek refuge in the forum here at Willo’s Web.  I’ve dusted it off and cleaned it up a bit – lol!  The BLL site is just not functioning properly this weekend – and I wanted to give everyone a place of refuge whenever the BLL site goes down.  Not sure if they’ll take advantage of the forum or not-  but it’s there.  Feel free to use it!

Busy day today – laundry, getting the kid back to school, and then packing up Halloweenie stuff.  I best get going.  Keep fingers crossed that I’ll get my test results on Monday!  But something tells me it won’t be till Wednesday .. so I won’t be too disappointed if I have to wait longer.  Have a great week!

I had to go a round about way to figure this out for me.  MyPyramid.gov is limited in the fact you can’t customize the calories you’re allowed each day.  So I’ve had to compute and estimate differently.  Here’s what I came up with:

I’m allowed the following each day:  1200 calories – 45% from Carbs, 25% from Fats and 35% from Protein.  Breakdown as follows:

• Grains – 4 ounces = 4 servings
• 1.5 cups Veggies = 3 servings = 1 big salad a day
• 1 cup Fruit – 2 servings = 1 apple or 2 mini-cans
• 5 tsp. Fat – 1 serving = Salad Dressing
• 1 Cup Milk = 1oz low-fat cheese
• 3 Ounces Protein = 3 servings = 1 lean cusine plus 2oz meat at dinner.

Not a lot of food .. but at least I have a plan in place!

On a more positive note – my weight is down another 2.4 pounds this week.  Yay me!

OK – I think I might just be a tiny bit hysterical – because I’m laughing so hard tears are coming and they won’t stop. You guys are going to love this one!

My new insurance won’t cover my procedure.  OMg – I can’t stop laughing .. and I know it’s not funny!  Apparently since it’s a HIPPA policy they won’t cover any female issues FOR THE FIRST SIX MONTHS.  And then … if the condition is determined as pre-existing at that time – THEY WON’T COVER IT FOR 24 MONTHS!  {I thought Hippa polices had to cover pre-existing conditions.  Silly me!}

OK .. I’ve got to stop and breath a second cuz I have to call back the doc before I go to my weight  management appointment.

OK … so I had to call the hospital to find out how much it would cost.  And here’s the estimate from the … get this … Price Quote Department.  Like it’s a used care dealership … .hahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  ok .. make it stop!

The doctors portion of the D&C is just $1284.00  BUT -the hospital portion is $10,700 – but since I’m paying myself I get a 40% discount bringing the cost to $6,500.   THEN add on the anesthesiologist and lab.

OK … and if I have to have a hysterectomy – as an In Patient – the hospital cost with the 40% discount is a measly $24,000.

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Some one really ……. I can’t stop …. I think I’m glad I have some savings.  How am I going to drive like this?

One moment is all it takes to change the course of your life.  One single moment … and your world can halt.  I’m not truly a pessimist.  I generally believe that good things happen to good people … and that the world is a good place to live in.  But there are those single moments if life that just make you question … why bother?

I was on top of the world this morning!  I am still so very excited to be starting this next phase of my life … the potential that the next several months hold for  me.  It is the fact that I have finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up .. the timing of my decision .. that makes this moment so unbelievably ironic.

The Alanis song is just spinning around in my head right now .. and I’m sitting at my desk just laughing at how stupid I was to think that my luck was changing and for being so naive to think I was going to finally find just a little bit of happiness.  Not to be a Debbie Downer .. but this is so fracked up .. its unbelievable.

All right .. ok.  I’ll let you in on the gigantic joke that Fate has decided to play on me.  I’m sure your wonderuous god is having a good old time laughing up a storm too.  Irony ..

I had just opened up the materials for my Life Coach class .. and had started doing the first lesson in preparation for our conference call tomorrow.  Before that I had completed Chapter 9 {of 12} in my Weight Management book.  I was on a roll .. getting my homework done and feeling pretty darn good about it.

Then the phone rang.  Generally I don’t answer the phone when it reads “Private Caller”  but for some reason I knew that I had to take the call .. so I answered it.  It was my GYN doc.  Not the office.  Not one of the nurses .. but the actual DOCTOR herself.  I knew I was screwed the second she said “Hi this is Dr. {beep} .”

Apparently the biopsy she took last week has come back abnormal.  This is something I have done every year – as a precaution – because of the woman’s issues I’ve had since forever.  They’ve always come back normal .. no worries.  This time though, the results show Hyperplasyia and the doc wants to schedule a D&C to “rule out cancer.”  WHAT?! That’s the part where the dreamer in me – floating up in the sky finally making life plans – came crashing down to the ground.  SPLAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Yeah .. that is me smooshed on the sidewalk over there.  Go ahead .. walk all over me.  Life already does.

And do you know what the really fracked up thing is.  I don’t care if I have cancer.  That’s an easy fix and will probably end all the issues I’ve been struggling with for a few years.  It’s not like I want to have more children.   I care that once they perform the necessary procedure – IF it is cancer – it’s going to be nearly impossible for me to lose all the weight that I wanted to lose.  And even if it’s not cancer .. and it’s just plain old hyperplasia … I’ll have to take some sort of progesterone supplement that will actually make me more prone to GAIN weight than lose it.

I’ve already called my mom and dad – and while the D&C is done on an outpatient basis – I really don’t want to be alone when I have it done.  It’s either send them plane tickets for a week long visit … or have a taxi drive me to and from the hospital.  Because I have pets and a son … I would much rather have my mom and dad here in case anything went wrong and I was admitted overnight.  They would at least feed my pets.  I hope.

Oh … you know what I just thought of!  My old insurance expires October 31st .. and the new insurance kicks in November 1st.  Chances are I’m going to have to pay for this little procedure to be done!  I’m going to have to dig through the new insurance policy to figure out what I need to do to get this covered.

Well obviously my busy busy week has just gotten busier.  I’m going to be a bit distracted this week .. and I’m probably going to be an emotional basket case.  Those of you who have read my blog for years should be used to the moods by now.. I won’t apologize for them because that’s who I am.  I can’t help but think that life for me is one huge drama … and how boring it would be without it.

Now .. off to read every article I can find about hyperplaysia.