People come and go in our lives. It’s the way the world works. We meet so many people on a daily basis we don’t give many of them a second thought. But then we meet people who affect us in ways where we still think of them years later .. decades later. Perhaps not on a daily basis, but they find a way of sneaking in to our thoughts every once and awhile. Something triggers a memory and you’re left wondering … whatever happened to them?
Facebook is a great way for old friends to reconnect. Over this past year I’ve been in contact with more and more of my High School friends – we’re discovering one another through friends of friends. It’s the way of social networks – and the Please Login or Register to see the link.. If there is someone specific you are looking for – chances are eventually you will find them.
People Who Matter
I often wonder if people remember me in the same way that I remember them. Did I make some sort of small impact on their lives where I sneak in to their memory every once in awhile? Isn’t that the whole point of our existence – to somehow make a difference in others lives? I’m not feeling 100% fulfilled in this category. I’ve become so much a hermit that I’m not close enough to anyone to think I matter. I was really surprised last week when one of my high school mates said I was one of the people she remembered most. Really? ME? I was such a mouse in school – no body noticed me.
There are several people that I do searches for on the Internets when I’m feeling lonely.
There’s Joe = my childhood chum who is probably the one person I hurt the most without knowing it. I’d love to talk to him and figure out what went wrong – why we couldn’t be friends. But I don’t want to push him either … I don’t think that would be fair of me. He’d need to be the one looking for me – to make that first connection. And the fact he hasn’t makes me sad.
Laura – a friend from one class who was so totally opposite of me. Yet we seemed to be kindered spirits. I wonder often if shes doing OK in life – I want her to be doing well and to be brilliantly happy.
Carol – the fab friend I made following high school. She was married young – did she have a family? Are they still married? Where did she land in life?
The first REAL boyfriend – Geno. *SIGH* The Russian-Italian GOD I was so infatuated with. I look him up the most – I just want to know he’s still alive. He was in the Navy when we dated. He has such a unique name – and I can’t find him. It’s so very frustrating!
And finally – Andrew – a co-worker who moved to New York and I didn’t have the guts to tell him good bye. He was my first friend here in Orlando … and I just couldn’t say goodbye. I have this issue with goodbyes – you see. {talk to my grief counselor – she pegged ‘abandonment issues’ on me after one session.}
Each of these people had a strong impact on my life – of who I became at this moment. I’d like to tell them thank you. I’d like to tell them that they mattered. That they STILL MATTER – no matter how far away they are – or how much time has passed since I’ve seen them. Thank you for mattering so much to me.
I’ve been thinking. I know! I know … my brain will start to fry if I try and think too hard. But really .. it’s a day of contemplation as I watch my parents fly off to Seattle and leave the son and I here … alone … again. I’m nostalgic. I’m homesick … though I’m at home. It is a day where I miss Jim … and that always makes me think. Perhaps too much, as my son likes to remind me. “Mom, you think too much. That’s your problem.”
My younger sisters best friend in high school has become a talented writer – and posted an article about Facebook last week. {Please Login or Register to see the link.} And while it’s technically about how the Gay and Lesbian community has taken over Facebook – she made a few great points. I’m not as brilliant a writer as Winnie is .. but I’ll try my best to elaborate on some of the points made. Well .. perhaps expand on just the one point.
… But the ease with which people from your past can easily find you on Facebook gives folks you went to high school with (and instantly forgot once you left that wicked little town) the ability to finally reconnect with you …
Internet Reconnection
Why do we as adults … some 20 years out of High School … flock to Face Book and other social networking sites in an effort to reconnect with our old High School Chums? Are we making an effort to recapture our youth? Has our own mortality set in, and are we grasping for that one connection to a simpler life? A time when our biggest worry was what to wear to class so as to best fit in { or hide as was my case}. I don’t know about you – but I’ve spent the past twenty some years trying TO FORGET the misery of High School!
So why is it so important to make an effort to find these old high school friends and reconnect? What lures us in to the wonderful world of Facebook and makes us so eager to leave snarky comments on our Classmates Status Updates?
Oh … I have my own theories on this. Those Life Coaching classes weren’t for nothing, you know. But I still question my own motives for seeking out old friends. HECK … I will admit to Googgling the names of three very specific people over and over again in an effort to find them {to no avail}. Why?
I’m not sure I should post my reasons why … it would make me appear all too human to those who believe I have some super human strength to cope with life. I’ll chalk my stroll down memory lane to missing Jim. To feeling an important part of someone else life. To being needed and loved. To COUNT. I’m feeling invisible more often these days and so utterly alone.
What do I hope to gain if I ever find these three important people? Well … I just hope to find them doing well in life. To know that they are happy with the path they’ve chosen for themselves and are thriving in life. To see them living their life to the fullest. I want to see if they’ve survived this crazy world.
I’m a story collector too. I have been browsing my old classmates Facebook profiles to try and piece together their stories of life. There’s only so many questions you can ask your friends once you’ve reconnected. You don’t want to get too very personal – knowing the details of their life.
People are private – and you just don’t spill your guts out to people you’ve just met – regardless of how close you used to be. But that doesn’t mean I’m not curious. It doesn’t mean I don’t care what life has thrown at them. so how to ask my classmates to provide their life stories without seeming like a nosy parker? That is the question … but I am very interested in how life has treated them all.
Because … I collect stories.
And how fascinating it would be to see how this group of people that were so connected in High School have led their lives. The various directions and paths that were taken. To see what bumps in the road they have overcome to lead them up to the person they are today.
WHO are they today? What memories do they hold on to that are important? Do they even remember me? The same way that I remember each of them? How have they changed? What is their passion in life … have they found love? Are they happy? Are they as interested in my life as I am in theirs?
So tell me my former classmates … what’s your story? I really do want to know!
I’m probably going to get a lot of flack for what I’m about to write here. But please note that what I’m trying to say is from an educational/research perspective and is totally nothing personal. To the men in my life – and virtual friends – I mean no harm … really.
I’ve been talking with others via the internet since 1993ish? The very first chat rooms and message forums were born way back when. I even met my husband Jim in an AOL Orlando chat room – on April Fool’s Day none the less. So I’ve been able to observe the behavior of virtual friends for a very long time. Now it just so happens the majority of people I chat with – until I joined the BLL – have been of the male variety. I’ve always gotten along better with men – perhaps because two of my best friends when I was little were Joe and his buddy Stuart. I was always more a tomboy I guess.
Courtesy Getty Images
I just take for granted when dealing with chat rooms and message forums that we as people are on there to have conversations. But the more I visit particular web sites … or even FaceBook and Twitter … the more I see men hold a preconceived notion that women who chat online are only after one thing. A husband.
I hate to burst your bubble – I really do. But when I converse with you online – it’s not because I think you’re the latest eligible bachelor. I’ve said many times that I still feel married to Jim – and that’s not going to change any time soon. He will own my heart forever .. sorry! When I converse with you – it’s because I actually thought we could have an intelligent discussion about whatever topic is listed in the forum. Silly me!
I asked a Weatherman the other day “Have you ever chased a tornado.” And his response was something along the lines of him being a happily married man and that his tornado chasing days were over. WHAT?! I was told by another on the forum that Weather men are often frightened away by “Aggressive Women.” WHAT?!
Reading another friends Facebook page {let’s call him Bob}- one of his buddies posted a comment that I found quiet odd. “All you Bob stalkers – come join us at this event.” Well I had noticed that Bob was in contact with many women … but really … to call them stalkers was a bit too much! Perhaps the friend and Bob were sharing an inside joke.
I’m almost 41 years old … some would say with age comes confidence. If that confidence in myself is seen as agressive beahvior by men – well – something is wrong here. Is it not possible for a man and a woman to hold an intelligent conversation without the man thinking she’s hunting for a husband? Tell me the myth that men and women can’t be friends isn’t true! Perhaps I do enjoy flirting a little .. there’s no harm there. But for the most part guys – if I choose to converse with you online – it’s because I found you interesting enough to learn more about WHO you are – not because you’re the next flavor of the month. I’ll keep those fantasies for the handsome men of rock-n-roll and Hollyweird!
and warm your heart and home.
May good and faithful friends be yours,
wherever you may roam.
May peace and plenty bless your world
with joy that long endures.
May all life’s passing seasons
bring the best to you and yours!
Fate has a weird way of operating if you ask me. When I told my family that the house I wanted was taken by someone else they all thought – watch – now Willo will get 3 offers on her house and she’ll end up with no place to live. This morning I had the first showing of my home – to an older woman who used to live in this neighborhood in the exact same model. They spent all of 10 minutes and were gone. I thought – WHEW! That was easy.
An hour later the Realtor called me up and said “She’d like to bring her daughter to see the house. She’s going to make an offer.” I was stunned. I’m still stunned – and I am panicking – and I am excited. I don’t know WHAT to think. What I do know is that #1 – my son is going to hate me for selling the house so soon. #2 – not to get too emotional because the offer that comes in might be way way low. #3 – I really need to find a house for myself!!
My Realtor and I had plans in place to look again on Wednesday – and it’s going to be very difficult for me to not panic. I’m going to have to stay calm enough to use sound judgment while looking at these homes – and not react because I feel I’m going to be kicked to the curb at any moment. Because I know that CAN’T happen – I can place contingencies on the offer as well and push back closing till April 30th. In fact – if I really wanted to I could ask to close on May 30th – that way we could finish out the school year before we move. {moving will add an extra 30 minutes on to our morning and afternoon commutes} But then I run the risk of losing the contract. There’s a ton of things to think about.
Here’s the twist of Fate – the potential buyer is an older woman who just lost her husband to cancer {like my husband}, she lived in this same model for ten years before moving into a bigger home, her grandson used to take math lessons from the woman who lived next door, her daughter works for the Hospice that was supposed to care for my husband when he came home from Gainesville – AND – she remembers that she was the one scheduled to come out to our home. Talk about your goosebump moments!
Mom said it was the Luck O’ The Irish operating today. We’ll see tomorrow morning just how lucky. Perhaps I’ll find a four-leaf clover and a pot of gold before I head out house hunting on Wednesday?