It’s very difficult for me to trust people – I think the majority of those who know me understand this.  It’s why it’s difficult for me to allow others in to my world.  It’s one of the main reasons I remain a hermit {of sorts} – have no truly close friends.  But it’s also the reason I’m feeling lonely this week … the lack of close human contact.  Having that ONE person who just gets you … and can be there for you when you just need to be YOU.

I am experiencing serious writers block here at Willo’s Web – so I’ve found a web site that provides writers prompts and will experiment with writing on topics found there.  Of course the majority of these prompts are for high schoolers practicing for their standardized test … but there are a few fun options that us grown ups can write from.  For example .. the prompt I’ve selected to write about today:

M&M Candies “Melt in your mouth, not in your hands.” Miller Lite “Tastes great, less filling.” Describe yourself (or your writing) in ten words or fewer.

It’s not as easy as you might think … coming up with that catch phrase.  We went through a similar process when coming up with our personal mission statements during Life Coaching class.   What I discovered in that process is that “Life, Love and Laughter”  truly summed up my personal mission in life.  To live life to the fullest, to laugh every day, and to love with my complete being.   But that mission statement doesn’t really describe WHO I am.  In ten words or less.  That’s going to be a hard one.

While I think a minute … why don’t you do the same.  Seriously.  How would you describe yourself in ten words or less.

Do you try and envision yourself as others see you?  Or do you write about how you hope others see you – how you truly see yourself?

Let’s try and use some of the visioning and values terms I came up with during Life Coaching.  My core values are independence, creativity, honesty, humor and  genuineness.  I also value justice and beauty – and the underlying common theme is emotion.

I can honestly say that I am ruled by my emotion – I’m somewhat of a drama queen at times.  But I wouldn’t live life any other way!  I have to be honest with myself before I can really open up and allow others in to my life.

I have a strong idea of who my alter ego is.  “Willo Keays”.  Shes an independent and adventurous writer who’s not afraid to dig deep for the story.  She tells it like it is – and isn’t afraid of the consequences.   NBC threatens to black list her – she doesn’t care!  What’s more important is finding the TRUTH – and sharing that knowledge with the people.  Because it’s the PEOPLE that matter to Willo.  Not the powers that be.  And the truth matters a great deal.  People need to know that the powers that be lie .. that they bend the truth to portray their own stories .. to earn more money.

Money doesn’t matter to Willo.  Of course it doesn’t – she doesn’t live in the real world and doesn’t have to worry about paying bills, helping out family, taking care of a son.  Because she’s living life in THE MOMENT – and loving every second.

I’ve allowed a little of that online persona to escape into reality.  I’ve learned that living in the moment can be very liberating.  That “No Day But Today” mentality allows Jaci to live in an happily ever after state … and I like it!  Yet I’m not quite as adventurous.  Jaci is cautiously optimistic about what’s happening in life right now.  Because she’s got to worry about how to pay the bills!  How to get that son to college and watch him succeed.  Jaci WANTS to be more like Willo … but she’s afraid to let go 100%.  So Jaci takes that real life job and writes on the side for her own enjoyment.  Jaci wonders what it would be like to be paid to write …. but hasn’t taken the steps to find out because of that fear.  That voice in the back of her head that screams “you’re not good enough!”

So do I describe myself as I am.  Or as how I want to be?

Melts in your mouth … not in your hand.

Coke .. the real thing.

Nike .. just do it!

What is my personal brand?  What do I offer to other people?  Because isn’t that what a Brand statement should be … tells you what you get when you invest in the product.  Honest, friendly, sarcastically funny, yet cautious and a little mistrusting of others.  Where’s my thesaurus!

Jaci – Dramatically playful with a candid vigilance towards life.

People come and go in our lives.  It’s the way the world works.  We meet so many people on a daily basis we don’t give many of them a second thought.  But then we meet people who affect us in ways where we still think of them years later .. decades later.  Perhaps not on a daily basis, but they find a way of sneaking in to our thoughts every once and awhile.   Something triggers a memory and you’re left wondering … whatever happened to them?

Facebook is a great way for old friends to reconnect.  Over this past year I’ve been in contact with more and more of my High School friends – we’re discovering one another through friends of friends.  It’s the way of social networks – and the six degrees of separation.    If there is someone specific you are looking for – chances are eventually you will find them.

I often wonder if people remember me in the same way that I remember them.  Did I make some sort of small impact on their lives where I sneak in to their memory every once in awhile?  Isn’t that the whole point of our existence – to somehow make a difference in others lives?  I’m not feeling 100% fulfilled in this category.  I’ve become so much a hermit that I’m not close enough to anyone to think I matter.   I was really surprised last week when one of my high school mates said I was one of the people she remembered most.  Really?  ME?  I was such a mouse in school – no body noticed me.

There are several people that I do searches for on the Internets when I’m feeling lonely.

There’s Joe = my childhood chum who is probably the one person I hurt the most without knowing it.  I’d love to talk to him and figure out what went wrong – why we couldn’t be friends.   But I don’t want to push him either … I don’t think that would be fair of me.  He’d need to be the one looking for me – to make that first connection.  And the fact he hasn’t makes me sad.

Laura – a friend from one class who was so totally opposite of me.  Yet we seemed to be kindered spirits.  I wonder often if shes doing OK in life – I want her to be doing well and to be brilliantly happy.

Carol – the fab friend I made following high school.  She was married young – did she have a family?  Are they still married?  Where did she land in life?

The first REAL boyfriend – Geno.  *SIGH* The Russian-Italian GOD I was so infatuated with.  I look him up the most – I just want to know he’s still alive.  He was in the Navy when we dated.  He has such a unique name – and I can’t find him.  It’s so very frustrating!

And finally – Andrew – a co-worker who moved to New York and I didn’t have the guts to tell him good bye.  He was my first friend here in Orlando … and I just couldn’t say goodbye.  I have this issue with goodbyes – you see.  {talk to my grief counselor – she pegged ‘abandonment issues’ on me after one session.}

Each of these people had a strong impact on my life – of who I became at this moment.  I’d like to tell them thank you.  I’d like to tell them that they mattered.   That they STILL MATTER – no matter how far away they are – or how much time has passed since I’ve seen them.  Thank you for mattering so much to me.

Florida has basically been drenched in rain the past two weeks.  Last night – the area around Disney received what you might call a small afternoon thunderstorm.  It lasted all of fifteen minutes – but the winds were as severe as a hurricane!!  It was pretty scary and I had to drop off my coaching class call early because of the lightening.
Those of you who follow me on Facebook saw this message last night:

It’s like a frackin’ hurricane outside!!! Just had to run outside and save the pillows off my bench out front – they had blown away and were floating down the driveway. I’m soaked and I almost wet myself when lightening struck while I was outside. Yeah .. laugh … go ahead. I would.

That was after I ran outside to save the pillows off my front porch bench.  I probably should have just let the pillows go … but they’re so pretty!!!

This morning I opened up the front blinds and saw the some did some light damage to the property – and I just spent a portion of the morning doing some clean up:

1. TWO branches from the Maple Tree down.   The Maple Tree is only two years old – so they were small branches.  But they were large enough that I needed to cut them in to threes to get them to fit in the garbage bin.  Now my tree looks lopsided
2. Mulch washout in front of house.  A good portion of the mulch from the flower beds covered the sidewalks.  I got most of it back .. but with another storm coming I know I’ll be out again tomorrow morning sweeping it all again.
3. Plants on front porch basically drowned and will more than likely die.  It’s difficult to move them to another location – as the rain comes from so many different directions you can’t predict where will be safe.  For now they’re all sitting in direct sunlight.  I’ll keep my fingers crossed they dry out enough before the next rain.
4. Back yard – soil erosion around back porch from gianormous waterfall streaming off roof.  Gutter Investment will def. pay off!!  I’m awaiting HOA approval so I can schedule the guys to come out.
5. I had to rescue a slug and a really cool snail from climbing up the house.  Guess they’re looking for higher ground as well.  I actually carried the snail over to the conservation zone to live.  The slug went on a piece of mulch and over the fence out back!  {yuck!}
6. Rain/Water damage/issues:
     
   

   Storm Damage!

   • The grass is now spotted like a brown cow.  I need to call TruGreen – I’m sure they’re going to tell me it’s from the rain.
   • The plants are all overgrown – I clipped back the front bushes but need to invest in new clippers so I can prune back the ground cover roses.  {Which amazingly are shooting up like a regular rose bush instead of climbing over the ground.}
   • Mulch in the backyard is a complete washout.  I’ll need to haul in about 30 bags of mulch to redo this.  So not looking forward to that project – and will wait till the gutters are installed on the house.

   Also – while walking around the house – I saw on the back corner of the upstairs that some of the Stucco has chipped off – as the metal flashing can be seen.  I’ll need to get my House Painter out to pressure wash the house, repair the stucco, and repaint the house.    The thing that pisses me off is this house is just 2 years old and shouldn’t need repainting.  BUT I’ll do it because I need to protect my investment.

   All of this from a SMALL storm.  Heaven help me if we’re hit by THE BIG WIND later in the summer!!

   Perhaps I should look in to a hunky male roommate – who just so happens to be a handyman.

   {wink wink – nudge nudge}

The last words of advice Dad gave me before he headed home this Sunday was “Finish what you’ve started, Jacqueline!”  He was referring to my Master Bedroom project.  I started to finish it .. but then I couldn’t find what I was looking for and the Breakfast/Coffee bar area is a bit unkempt.  But in an effort to see exactly what projects I have in limbo I thought I’d list things I’ve been working on the past year … and see if I’ve finished things I’ve started.  My guess is I’ve completed maybe only 10% of the projects I start.  I get bored very easily!!

1. Move in to new house and unpack all the boxes.  This is practically complete – the boxes I have remaining need
   

   Light at the end of the tunnel?

   to stay packed and or are part of other projects {see below}

2. Paint the interior of the house – DONE
3. Furnish the guest bedrooms – DONE – however I do still need to fix up the guest bathrooms.  I figure if someone comes to visit me .. i’ll fix the one guest bath that remains un-decorated.
4. Master Bedroom and Bath – pretty much done.  I need to figure out what to do with the Coffee Bar area since I don’t drink coffee.  Then my room will be DONE!
5. Figure out what to do with the cabinet between the guest bedrooms.
6. Exercise Room & Craft Closet.  I just need to go in to the closet and organize the craft projects.  Perhaps some closet shelves for storage.
7. Cross stitching project.  Spring and Fall are DONE – though combined they took a total of 18 years to complete.  I’m working on Summer now.  It keeps me busy while I’m waiting.
8. Office – while currently a mess – it’s done as far as decor goes.  I do have to move my wedding photos from their small albums into the new larger albums I’ve bought.  But … I’m just not ready to do that just yet.  Maybe once I get everything else done.
9. Nutrition, Wellness and Weight Management consultant classes.  DONE – I finished this!  so haha!
10. Life Coaching Classes – will be complete in three weeks.  Almost DONE – so haha!  I do need to decide if I want to continue on to full certification – which requires FIFTY BILLED client hours and another 40 hours of classes.  It’s trying to find clients willing to pay for coaching that is the problem … and what’s holding me back.
11. Landscaping project complete – though since we’ve had so much rain I now have to go buy another 20 yards of mulch and re-do the beds.  UGH!  SO not looking forward to that.
12. Need to call about Gutters for the house … so I don’t have another landscape wash out.  Will make a few calls for estimates today and get this project rolling.
13. Part-time job.  Reluctantly DONE.  If my leg and foot muscles felt better I think I might actually enjoy this too.  Right now there’s too much pain to actually see the benefit of having the part-time job.  OK … the $500 a month will be great at supplementing the income.
14. Move Money Market funds into Managed Fund so I can start earning interest on it again.  This is a scary thing to do considering this is the moola I live off of.  Perhaps just half of it … to see how well the Management firm does.  Need to schedule an appointment with the management company to talk to them about this.
15. Create a routine for housecleaning and gardening chores to make sure everything gets DONE every week.
16. Help the kiddo transition in to his second chance at college.  Last semester was just bad for him … with the drug addicted alcoholic roommates and his depression/homesickness.  I need to really push him to step up and take responsibility this Fall.  He needs to talk to his adviser now to design a remediation plan to get him back on track – and to regain his Bright Futures Scholarship.   Perhaps talk to him again about seeing a Grief Counselor.
17. My own weight loss endeavors.  I know that I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT … but I’m once again subconsciously sabotaging my efforts and I don’t know why.   I think I need to take the pressure off myself to be little miss perfect – and then just introduce healthier eating habits in to my life again.  I need to create an exercise plan and stick to it.  I need to find out how many calories I burn while at work too – so getting my Body Bugg charged up is key this week.

So .. that’s quite a list .. no??  Perhaps not as much as I thought on my plate right now.  Many of those items can be checked off today … if I get my butt in gear.  I forgot it was Memorial Day today … was planning of doing my grocery shopping.  But I think I’ll go on my way home from work tomorrow.  Johnner has plenty of food for his needs – and I can make do with leftovers and scraps.  LOL!

I’ve just decided the month of June is going to be dedicated to Finishing What I’ve Started.   Even if it kills me.