A few things I know for certain.

• Jim is gone – and no matter how much I miss him – he’s not coming back.
• I will love him for eternity and beyond
• I am so lonely right now it is insane – Jim promised I wouldn’t be alone.  How could he promise that?
• The thought of dating other people scares me to death – since I’ve never actually “dated” in the traditional sense.  I’m not even sure I want to meet someone else.   I just know I don’t want to be alone any more.
• The thought of dating other people causes a great deal of guilt for me.  Some might see it as a betrayal to Jim’s memory.  But to them I have to say – Jim didn’t want me to be alone – what else could his promise have meant?
• Fate is a fickle b*tch – there are times when she throws situations in your face you can’t ignore.  Other times she moves along so slowly you can’t help but make hasty decisions just to speed things along.  So the lesson is not to make decisions hastily – but then over analyzing them can’t be the answer either.
• No matter what we do in life – someone is going to be unhappy with your decisions.
• I’m ready in some ways for another relationship.  But in other ways I’m not.  It’s the thought of rejection that scares me the most.  And I’m not 100% comfortable with myself at the moment – it wouldn’t be fair to drag someone else in to my emotional mess.

There are a TON of things I’m just not sure of … not yet.  But isn’t that what makes life fun?  The unexpected events that all come together .. almost perfectly?

I’m ready for a serendipitous moment.  But I’m not ready to force the hands of Fate.

Just … hurry up.  I’m not sure if I can wait.